Getting lost in this work

Hi everyone! This is a two-part email from Michelle...enjoy!

 

 

PART 1

 

FAMILY!!!! Hello!! I hope all is well and that you are having a great morning so far.

Before I write anything else, I have to tell you something, and this is directed mostly to Daddy...but this morning, I had the world´s most amazingly incredibly delicious tamale ever. I don´t even know how to explain it besides, "Holy crap." I didn´t want to eat it because I didn´t want it to be gone. But then I ate it in like 12 seconds, so..so much for that. But yeah, seriously the food here is amazing. And I haven´t had a repeat of a meal yet! Which is crazy if you think about it, because...

I´ve officially completed one month in the field! It´s so crazy how time flies. I think about all that has happened, and time out here just doesn´t make sense. My first week felt like a year, but the weeks after that have really flown by. It´s like a mind game. I don´t know how to explain it. But "el tiempo buela."

Thank you also to everyone who has been sending me emails! I love it more than you know. They are the perfect boost in the beginnings of the weeks here. Thank you thank you thank you!!!

Okay so this week was great. It was really hard, but I learned a ton this week. On Thursday, everyone in my zone had interviews with the mission President. It was my first interview in the field, and I was a little bit nervous about it, but our mission president is the bomb so I got over those nerves pretty quickly. I was mainly nervous because I usually cry when people ask me questions like "How are you REALLY doing, Hermana Scott?" You know what I mean? But it was great. Our Zone leader, earlier in the week, invited us to think of a question that we could ask him. And my question was along the lines of... "I want to be lost in the work and "forget myself" completely. How can I do that? I´m trying but I feel like I´m not totally there." Before the mission, so many people told me to just love the people, focus on them, and forget myself. But in total honesty, that´s hard to do. I don´t think that I have a problem with loving these amazing people, but I think about myself too much. Anyway, President Ardila told me that I should be thinking about the investigators always. When I am studying, I need to look for things that will help my investigators. When I am praying, I need to pray for my investigators. As I´m walking in the street, I´m looking with my eyes but trying to see with the Spirit, if I´m supposed to go talk to the guy, or tap that woman on the shoulder. It´s crazy and it´s hard and it´s amazing and I literally don´t know how to explain it. But that´s what he told me to do. Think of the investigators first. So that´s what I started doing, because  (sad as it may be) I wasn´t really doing that yet. But something that I realized, is that as I´m studying and focusing on the needs of the people I teach, my own testimony is strengthened. I get my "spiritual feeding" too. As I pray for my investigators, and pray to know how to help them, I´m showing God that I´m willing to do what He wants, and not what I want. It´s a process - everything in the mission is a learning process. I hope that this all makes sense. But the point is that I can slowly feel myself getting lost in this work. And I hope that eventually I can be totally lost, because at that point I don´t think I´ll have to say anything about it. So really, President Ardila is the best. And the mission is also the best.

So here´s the thing - my companion needs to go to the mission offices in La Molina, which is 1 hour away from here. So its cutting our time a little short. I am going to come back and be able to write more I think, so until then know that I love you so much!!!! I have more to say but not enough time right now. But I will send more, I promise. I LOVE YOU!!!!!

Hermana Scott

 

 

PART 2

 

Hello again, querido familia!

Okay, I don´t really have a ton of time, but I just wanted to tell you one more thing.

So we are teaching a boy named Isaac who has a lot of problems. He is 16 but he has problems with drugs and a girlfriend who doesn´t help in that regard, and needless to say (in missionary terms) he has a problem with the law of chastity. We work with his family all of the time because the family is huge, and there is a mix of recent converts, less-actives, inactives, and non-members. So we see him a lot. But he doesn´t really like to talk to us, and doesn´t really see a problem with smoking weed and cocaine (or whatever you do with cocaine...don´t judge, I´m just a missionary). We are trying so hard to find a way to make a difference, tell him something that will help to realize there´s more to life, but he just doesn´t really care. It´s really hard for me, and sometimes I just feel so sad while we teach him. It´s something that is a blessing and a curse about missionary work...you come to love the people so much, and it is just so sad when you just have to watch them suffer. You can see in his eyes that he isn´t really happy, but he just doesn´t know what to do. AHH, it kills me. He´s just a baby!!! 16 years old. It is my prayer every day all day that we can make a difference in this boy´s life.

Anyway, life is good. All is well. I love it here and I´m learning Spanish! Last night I talked on the phone to our district leader to give the weekly report on numbers and stuff, and I talked to him (BY MYSELF - big girl!) about Isaac and what we can do to help him for like 20 minutes!!!!! I can´t even tell you how proud and happy I was...our district leader talks so fast you´d think the world was ending and everything he says is his last words. But yeah so that was cool. Everyday is hard, but there are miracles when we look for them. The mission is really the best.

I hope you are all well, sorry I don´t have time to email you all personally but just know I love you more than words can describe!!!! Talk to you soon!!

I LOVE YOU!!!!

Con much amor,

Hermana Scott

Straight from the heart

(This email was received Monday 9/30/13)

Buenos dias, familia!

Holy cow, I honestly can´t believe it´s Monday again. Seriously, this week flew by. That´s what everyone told me, though...the days are long, you sleep easily, but the weeks fly by. That is becoming very true.

Today is my feliz cumple mes!! I have successfully survived 2 months here in Peru. This week is exactly 9 weeks. If you say I have 16 months left, that sounds like a long time, but if you say I have 69 weeks left, that really does not seem like any time at all. It´s flying by, and it´s just going to go faster. It scares me a little bit.

Okay, first story is really funny. Last night, we had a family home evening with 13 people. It was so great and it reminded me of the Lattins and that crazy house. One of the brothers has a baby, who is adorable. We had just had this really spiritual lesson, and then the baby walked in to the middle of the room and just let out this HUGE fart. I seriously could not stop laughing. It was kind of embarrassing actually...I guess I´m still pretty immature. I was laughing at the baby, but everyone else was laughing at my reaction. What can I say, farts are funny.

Okay, serious now. This week was super hard. We did not have much success. In the mission, you have to be careful of how you measure success, because the people we teach aren´t just numbers, they are souls. That sounds cheesy, but it´s true. Our goal may have been to have 5 new investigators, but we don´t walk the streets thinking, "okay, gotta get one more, we need to beat the Elders this week" It´s not like that. That´s not how God thinks of his children, so we shouldn´t either. At the same time, it´s hard to feel like we aren´t making any progress. Plus, my companion and I argued a ton this week. I am not an easy person to work with sometimes...I am pretty stubborn, or really stubborn. I think I know everything. (I´ve always been a Daddy´s girl...haha, love you daddy) But it caused problems this week. That didn´t add to our level of success. I learned a lot about patience, and humility. I am constantly learning.

After a week with zero, yes ZERO new investigators, we were pretty discouraged. Not many of our investigators are progressing either. Yesterday, we prayed to be able to see a miracle. We prayed for humility, patience, and faith. It was a hard day, but we had some great lessons. The best was in that family home evening. We taught about the Restoration and the story of Joseph Smith. So remember, there were 13 people there. Two weren´t members, and one was already our investigator. The other was the wife of the guy with the baby. Actually they're not married. But anyway, 2 non members. We gave the most powerful lesson we´ve ever given. I just spoke in Spanish like I was speaking English, it was crazy. We just taught straight from the heart, and the spirit was so strong. It was one of those times when you just couldn´t deny the power of the spirit in that room. But we were about to finish, and my companion started to ask her if she wanted to be baptized. I was freaking out internally because I just didn´t know if it was the best idea in that moment....but she said YES. SHE SAID YES. What?!?!? It was amazing. It proved to me the strength of companionships, because she felt something that I didn´t, and it resulted in a miracle for us. The Lord blessed us in a way we never could have imagined. After a long, hard week, we were able to see a beautiful, yet simple miracle. This is the Lord´s work! I am learning that every day...The Lord works THROUGH us. We aren´t the ones that work miracles.

So things are good. Spanish is coming. It´s still hard, but it´s coming. I was pretty sick the other day. I hadn´t felt good all day, I had made a number of trips to the bathroom, and there was this moment when we were walking that I felt so sick...and I didn't know what to tell my companion so I just stopped walking, and in English said, "Stop please" Maybe that´s not funny to you, but looking back I think it´s hilarious. Life is interesting here, to say the least. But it is great.

I love you all so much. I hope that all is well, that the week was good, You are constantly in my prayers. Take care, enjoy the first week of October!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!

Con mucho amor, 

Hermana Scott

"I Can Do This!"

HOLA FAMILIA!!

I honestly can´t believe that it´s time to write again. The time goes simultaneously unbelievably fast and unbearably slow. With a short term perspective, it feels like this past week flew by. But in the grand scheme of things, one week doesn´t seem like much time when you´ve still got 16 months. It´s an interesting mix of emotions for sure.

That being said, I love it here. I don´t even know where to begin. The work is hard, and there are days that I don´t think I can do it, but with out fail, every day I remember all of the powerful blessings that I have received, and I know that I can do it. "Puedo hacerlo." 

Peru is like a dream. That sounds so cheesy, but its true! Its absolutely incredible. It´s beautiful. I´ve never seen anything like it in real life. I honestly believe with all of my heart that if I weren´t a missionary, I wouldn´t be able to handle some of the things I see. People live in crazy conditions, and we walk into houses that are barely even houses. Dirt floors or cement floors, one faucet for "showers" and drinking,...like I honestly don´t even know how to explain it. Some people live on hardly anything, but they´re the happiest people I´ve ever met. It warms my heart, and makes me feel like a horrible person because of how needy I am.

At the same time, some people live in really nice homes (comparatively, at least.) Even here in Peru, there´s a split between the richer and the poorer. It´s interesting.

I totally wish I could just sit here for hours and tell you everything about everything, but there are some things that I really want to tell you. 

First of all, we have a pensionista, who makes all of our food. Three times a day. She is amazing. She has literally nine children and all of them are girls. They are the sweetest family, and the mom (Hna Angelica) is amazing. I just can´t get over how much she does for us every day. Her youngest two daughters have stolen my heart...seriously, I´m in love with them. Their names are Tooti and Valeria. Literally, her name is Tooti. Haha I will have to send a picture sometime. I am honestly just in love with them.

So, remember how I´m obsessed with Texas? There is a family in our ward, and the son just got home from his mission recently. We were at their house one night, and I was looking at his stuff from his mission, and he had a flag that people signed. I was convinced that it was the Texas flag, so I was like "YOU SERVED IN TEXAS????!!!??" In English and everything. Everyone looked at me like I was an idiot, and he said "No....Chile." I don´t know if I´m actually stupid or something, but do those two flags look alike? Because I could have sworn it was Texas......well, needless to say, it was embarrassing on many levels.

So you should know that I love all of the people here. Every person I meet, I think, how could I possibly love another person as much as I love you? Then I meet someone else, and it´s just this endless cycle. But we are teaching two sweet women, one is a less-active member of the church, and her sister is not a member, so it´s cool to be able to teach them at the same time. We always have spiritual lessons with them. But one day, we were doing family home evening with them (Dad and Daniel - just a night once a week when you have a spiritual lesson, play games or have dessert as a family), and Hna Max´s grandson was there. We started with a hymn, and literally none of them knew the words or the tune, but they wanted to sing all three verses. It was so funny, I laughed throughout the entire thing. Not because I was making fun, just because it was the sweetest thing. (also hilarious though)

Next week, I´m going to tell you all about our investigators. But yesterday, two of our investigators were at church, and two less-active members that we´ve been teaching came as well! That was a huge blessing, and I just couldn´t stop smiling.

Really fast - I had an experience this week.. I was studying with my companion, and I just could not get words out. For whatever reason, I just literally could not express my feelings in the beautiful language of Spanish. I just started balling, and kept thinking "I can´t do this, I can´t do this." I sometimes feel like this is the hardest thing in the world. In some ways, it is. I am a million miles away from home, speaking a language that I don´t know, teaching people that just don´t want to change, getting doors slammed in my face and weird looks because I´m the only white girl for miles. In that moment, I felt like there is no way I can do this whole mission thing for 16 months. But, I prayed. I prayed for a really long time. My companion was super nice, she really comforted me and said a lot of nice things (from what I could understand, at least.. ;) ) but I didn´t feel any better until after I prayed. And in that moment, I felt the love of God in a way that I never have. I have been called of God, to preach the Gospel of Jesus Christ. He called me to speak Spanish, in this country, to teach these people. It´s hard to explain exactly how I felt in that moment, but I knew with all of my heart that I can do this. It will not be easy, and I will struggle a lot, but the gospel is true and I´m just here to share the good news with these people, and love them with all of my heart, because they are children of God. He knows I can do it, so I´m going to have faith in that and just do my best.

Thank you for the love, support and emails. I love hearing form you guys. I miss you all so much! But I know these 16 months will fly by. Take care of yourselves, enjoy the week, and know that I look forward to hearing about all that happens in the next week. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!

Con mucho amor,

Hermana Michelle Scott

Mission photos 8/29/13

Group photo 9/2/13

Extreme measures

Hola familia!

This is so weird, because I never thought I would say this, but it is actually hard for me to type this in English. I never really speak English here so when I actually get to speak English its hard!

But this week was SO good! I dont even know how I could explain all of it. I dont have a ton of time but ill do my best to hit the important parts.

So first my companion is from Mexico. She is so sweet and we get along really well. We are different in a lot of ways, but it doesnt really matter because were here for one purpose, and that purpose is the same. Its hard when I am frustrated or confused because um, no hablo espanol perfectamente, so I cant really accurately express my feelings to her. It gets hard but she is patient and helpful and understanding. 

So I have to tell you something absolutely ridiculous. We live in the second story of a building, but we live with members of the church, and we have to walk through their house to get up to our room. The structure of buildings here is so interesting. So the people we live with live on the first floor, our room is on the second floor (after you walk through the house) and our bishop lives on the third floor. Another person lives on the second floor, but we just have that one room. I hope that makes sense. So one day, we couldnt get the door unlocked to walk through to our room. We tried everything, we pounded on the door and called the people but they were so asleep that they were basically dead or something. It was ridiculous. We had gone outside to run, and since it was like 6.50 am they were asleep. Anyway, it was so annoying and I know I need to be thankful for them, but REALLY? We were trying to get in for almost 2 hours. And thats wasting all of our study time and preparation time and everything. Anyway, since the bishop lives on the third floor, I resorted to extreme measures, and jumped out of the window in their kitchen to the small little porch that is right in front of the door to our room. It was an experience. I dont know how to describe it...it was just "an experience". It was higher than was probably a good idea to jump. I like hung out of the window, holding on to the edge, then just dropped down. Definitely not the best decision Ive ever made, but it worked out, we got into our room and continued the day. Daniel, I didnt land like you would have, but I did an okay job. Except my heel hurts a little bit, but I really am okay., Missionaries do crazy things.

Anyway, everything here is different from America. Literally every single thing. Dogs and cats just roam the streets, peeing and pooping everywhere. They keep the streets pretty clean which is nice, but theres always puddles of pee on the sidewalks. Roosters live in peoples houses! So thats a nice wake up call every day. People live in the smallest, dirtiest houses, but its just not a problem for them because its all they know. People make and sell food on the side of the road, sometimes it smells so good but we cant eat it because wed probably die. Not really, but wed probably get really sick because they do a lot of things differently.

AH I am sorry I just did not leave myself enough time. I love our investigators. As dumb as it sounds, I cant remember them all by name yet because we teach so many people, but theres one boy that we are teaching named Gustavo who is so so cool. He has so many hard questions about the church that make us think harder about the doctrine than we ever have. In our first lesson with him, he told us that he wanted to be baptized if he found out the church was true. The first lesson! It was amazing. He is just a very sincere guy, with a lot of interesting experiences and thoughts about life. He went to church on Sunday too, which was awesome.

It is a lot harder to teach in Spanish than I thought it would be. I honestly know a lot, but I dont know enough to say all that I want to. I get a little flustered sometimes, but the people always say that they can understand me which is good.

I am learning so much. Just from talking to people I learn the language. Its interesting to compare what I learned in the CCM to what I hear in the streets. I love the moments when I understand, but sometimes I just kind of zone out and think to myself "I dont speak Spanish I dont speak Spanish I dont know what youre saying because Im American..." Ya know, stuff like that.

I want to tell you more about the people we teach, but I will do that next week when I have more time.

There is so much to say! I love the food so much. Its so rich in flavor and theres so much of it which of course is good for me. Except yesterday we ate like 18 pounds of beans, and obviously there are consequences with that... :)

Next week I will tell you more. Im sorry I didnt use my time wisely enough, but I will send pictures and tell more fun stories next week I promise!

Also about the address, its the one I posted on Facebook. I am in the lima east mission. And all letters and packages need to be sent to the mission home, which I posted on Facebook! Dont forget that!

Thank you for your love and support. I miss you guys so much, I miss our house and moms home made dinners. but I am so happy here. I love being a missionary. Thank you for being the best! I love you! And I will talk to you next Monday!

Con mucho amor,

Hermana Michelle Scott

Coming into focus

HOLA FAMILIA!!

How are you all? I hope that this week was great. I loved hearing the news about Daniel becoming el capitan! That is maybe the coolest thing Ive heard all week. I am so proud of you and totally wish I could see you tear it up out there! Take lots of pictures please and send them all to me!!!

 

Something funny to start off the email this week, we were informed a few days ago that we are no longer allowed to say "Hola" to people in or outside of the CCM.  Like, every single person in the world says hola. Its literally the only word in Spanish that I knew before I came here (okay not literally). But honestly, people in China probably say Hola. It makes sense I guess, because Its pretty informal, but when I heard that I just laughed out loud. The easiest, simplest word...and we cant say it. Oh well, its not a big deal. Just one of those things.

 

Anyway, so this week was great!! Not much happens in the CCM. I don{t think I ever gave you a run down of my schedule, but this is the basic day as a missionary-

Wake up at 6.30 sharp. Pray.

Get ready for the day.

Breakfast at 7.

Personal study until 8.30 ish.

8.30-Language study

9.45-Teaching techniques

11.-Teaching our investigator (its our teacher, but he pretends to be an investigator that he taught on his mission...its the most real type of situation we can get in the CCM. Its really pretty real too, which is awesome. Its fun, but its hard, just like it would be for a missionary out in the field.)

12.30 LUNCH

1.30-4.00 Personal study, language study. This is the time in the day that we get to focus on what we think is important. No teachers, we just study what we want to, its really nice.

4 - physical activity. Its like gym class in elementary school. We all get so hyper and just run around after being cooped up inside all day. On Tuesday we had a huge ultimate Frisbee tournament and it was so fun! Good times happen in our hour of physical activity.

5.30- practice teaching again (with our evening teacher)

6.30 dinner

7,15-9.00 language mixed with teaching skills, we usually end up doing role play teaching with other missionaries

9.20 - every night we have time set aside to eat fruit in the cafeteria. Its so funny to me. I think part of it (as gross as this is) is to help regulate our bathroom cycle, if you know what I mean. Seriously, all we eat is rice and potatoes and bread. So, why not eat an orange at 9 pm? You know?

 

So that is what every single day looks like pretty much. Except for Sunday...lots of church that day. We are still Mormons after all. And lots and lots of personal study. and P day is different too of course.

 

Today has been a great day so far. We went to the temple, then explored the city like we normally do. We always take the bus, which is the craziest part of my week by far. I think Ive told you a little bit about the buses, but they are honestly INSANE. they just pull over anywhere, theres a person hanging out the door screaming things about where the bus is going, and people get on and off it while its still moving. And I know Ive mentioned the crazy drivers. They just do whatever they want! It blows my mind. Today, we were waiting forever on the curb for a bus to drive by, then one pulls up and its filled to the brim with people, but they have it in their minds that they can squeeze a million people in there. So half of us get on, and they just randomly drive away and leave half of our group behind! luckily my companion made it on the bus, but one of the elders' companion didnt get on. It was just weird that they took off, and definitely weird that he wasnt with his companion. It all worked out though. Peru is crazy.

 

So I wanted to tell you about an experience I have been having. It happens every day, and its so hard to explain. Let me give some background -

when you become a missionary, you spend that entire 18 months or 24 months teaching people about the gospel every day. That part is obvious. Every day, you are working to bring other people to Christ, and to help other people along their way in the gospel. Its all about other people, thats the key word. Which is good. Youre supposed to legitimately "forget yourself and get to work." From day one, we have been taught to forget ourselves, and learn to dedicate your life at this time to the welfare of Gods children. Obviously you have needs to be met, but you know what I mean. Missionaries are meant to be selfless; totally and completely selfless. So I have been trying to figure out what exactly this means to me. For me to lose myself...what does that entail exactly? I need to be less sarcastic (good news, I cant speak Spanish so that one will be easy). I need to be less focused on my own problems (Does my hair look good? Dang I could really use some chocolate right now, etc.) But does losing myself mean that I need to laugh more quietly? Or that I need to change something about my personality? It took me a little while to figure out, and I know I have so much more to learn, but this is the temporary conclusion I have come to..

I dont need to change who I am. I still get to be Hermana (Michelle) Scott, but I need to let my focus be on the work I have before me, and the people that I will be teaching. God made me who I am for a reason. I have plenty of things that I can improve on- my punctuality, for example. Thats just one of 100 million things that could change. But right now, I need to just give myself over completely to the Lord and to this work.

Does any of that make sense?

Well, the past few days I have felt really weird. Its hard to explain...but I just havent felt normal. I would be so attentive in class, so attentive in my personal study, but all the times in between I felt like I was in a fog. I wasnt super loud and obnoxious at all of the meals like I usually am, and I was just a little more quiet. Its so hard to explain....but basically, I have been feeling like I am truly getting lost in this work. I used to dread teaching our investigators/teachers because I would always be nervous about what to say, but now I just cant wait for our next chance to teach. I can feel myself getting more absorbed into the real reasons for why I am here on a mission. Its crazy. I know that I am ready to get into the field. Sometimes I feel really panicky because of the language, and thinking about my first Latina companion scares the poop out of me, but I know that I have done what I need to do to prepare and I know that I am ready.

 

I am out of time, but I just want you to know that I love you all so much. Thank you so much for the emails, for keeping me connected to my sweet home in beautiful CO. Im jealous of the wonderful weather youre having, its still winter here so its cloudy a lot, but it has actually been beautiful and sunny the past few days. A little miracle!!

I love you and I pray for you and I hope that you are all doing well. I cant tell you enough how much I love you. I have to go,but in just 7 short days Il be telling you about my life as a REAL MISSIONARY!!!

 

Con todo el amor en el mundo,

Hermana Scott